Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
