i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
