Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
