She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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