we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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