So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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