Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
