Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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