There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Where is the hickey?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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