Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
