I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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