thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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