Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
