I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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