Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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