dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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