don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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