You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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