did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
