sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
