he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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