I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
and you fell through a lawn chair
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
