I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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