yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
