you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
