So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize