Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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