I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
