What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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