3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
