i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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