I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
