I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
