Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
