I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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