the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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