I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
