drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
