oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
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I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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