actually, I'm a sock model
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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