escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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