My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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