honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
