I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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