so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
