Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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