I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
