I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
