you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
