i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
