i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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