Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
