Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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