She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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