Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Michael Bay diarrhea
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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