his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
