All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
