Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up under a house in Key West
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
