There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
