I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
