I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
