There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
