i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
