Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
