so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
