A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
