Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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