I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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