the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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