OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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