i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
