M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Are we still banned from the library?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
