I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have aggressive nipples.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
