What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
