is your mom at the bar?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
