I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
