Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
