Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
