no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
