hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
