Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
