I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
