he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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