I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
