Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
People in love make me want to vomit
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
