There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
