If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
