can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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